Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Marine Girlfriends


Dear Marine Girlfriends,

You are the most annoying creatures on this planet. Please shut the fuck up about how great your boyfriend is because he was too stupid to do anything else with his life. He may have his redeeming qualities, ones that don’t involve being a Marine, but I automatically hate him because you can't shut the fuck up about him. You are insecure and stupid. You would be lost without a patriotic cock and a big engagement ring. What would you talk about if you didn’t have your Marine? Laguna Beach? “Hawt” guys who work at Hollister or who have filled out an application to work at Hollister? How many magnetic yellow-ribbons are you planning to tattoo on your gas-guzzling SUV? By the way, don’t you find it ironic that your “boo” is fighting for oil and you’re using it all up?

I think it’s safe to say that you didn’t really start listening to country music until you met your “baby.” The days of ass-shaking to hip hop are over and the days of childbirth to fucking Rascal Flatts have just begun. Don’t worry, though. You’ll probably enjoy listening to “Bless the Broken Road” on repeat while you live the true American life as nothing more than a womb who likes to shop and get involved in pointless community activities like “cul-de-sac Arts and Crafts day at the Johnson's house.” Be prepared for the day that will come twenty years down the road, when an evil brown-looking person will ring your perfect doorbell and announce that he is the product of a rogue seed your husband planted in some shrouded Iraqi bitch like a flag in soil. Is there a country song for that scenario? And if so, does Toby Keith sing it?

So tell me, do you love him because of who he is or do you love him because of what he is? Would you love him if Marines weren't "in" right now? Does he have anything going for him other than being a Marine? Is he good at billiards and changing oil? I’m curious. You say you love your Marine so much and then you treat him like a caricature. Normal, smart women don’t go around spouting off their husbands’ or boyfriends’ professions. You know why? Because it’s just a fucking job. What if every woman went around saying, “My Cop” or “My Car Salesman” or “Mah Forklift Operator?” That would be fucked, would it not?

That’s it for now. By the way, Jarhead will be on DVD March 7. Pre-order it and tell everybody you did.

Fuck you,
Jeff

33 Comments:

Anonymous Kat said...

"Be prepared for the day that will come twenty years down the road, when an evil brown-looking person will ring your perfect doorbell and announce that he is the product of a rogue seed your husband planted in some shrouded Iraqi bitch like a flag in soil. Is there a country song for that scenario? And if so, does Toby Keith sing it?"

Hahahahaha...Holy shit! I think I may have just pissed myself a little bit

3:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know this is from a couple years ago, but I bet you are still a fucking asshole. It must suck to know that you aren't worth the blood Marines shed for you.

10:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What else do my Marine and i have going for us? Degrees from UCLA, one of the most prestigious Universities in the nation, which we were both accepted to PRIOR to his enlistment. Thus, your insinuation that all Marines are stupid is as ignorant as you are. He will graduate one year late due to his service, but nevertheless has a great deal to fall back on. What to you have to fall back on when the going gets tough? Your blog?

1:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Dumbass,
So you want to know why I love my boyfriend? (who also happens to be a Marine) Let me lay it out for you since ignorant people sometimes have a difficult time figuring things out for themselves. I love him not only for who he is, but for what he does. Do you know what he does? Here, I'll explain this one too. He protects your right to say stupid-ass things like this. Your welcome bitch.

11:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow you are a moron. Sorry that us marine girlfriends are proud of what our boyfriends are doing for us & its fucked that you aren't because theyre fighting for you too. Maybe youre just niave to the whole situation or maybe youre just bitter because you never did anything to help out your country except write this bull shit blog that makes the rest of us realize how ridiculous & unappriciative some people really are. Maybe you should get off your ass & try helping your country...but then again you probably aren't strong enough to go through half the stuff that a marine does! Thanks for writing this bullshit...you just made your self look more like a bitch then you could make any one of us marine girlfriends look.

P.S. I'm not dating my boyfriend because he's a marine i'm dating him because he is a great guy & i'm sure thats the case for many others...i'm sorry & send my deepest sympathies because you are too stupid to realize that!

9:49 AM  
Anonymous Talia said...

You'd sit and read this and think, "Any Marine's girlfriend would find this offensive."

(hence the angry responses)


Well... no. The truth of the matter is I'm a Marine's girlfriend and I did not find this offensive at all. Actually, I thought it was funny because every word that you wrote is true.

I hate the Marines and I hate how every other bitch parades about how their Marine boyfriend is so wonderfully patriotic and how brave and strong they are.

I abhor it!

I hate this country and I hate how males of every single ethnic background is serving for a country that takes away all the "God given" rights simply by signing a contract that declares their devotion to serving and protecting the "best God damn country known to man."

Well...fuck you U.S. Fuck you very much.


You see, he plans to pursue a career in Law Enforcement and it was either two years of college or four years of service.

Go figure...


I wanted something better for him. Something of value. Something he can take with him anywhere.

You can't take a fuckin weapon to a God damn interview.

Ugh!

But you know what, he has always wanted to be a Marine. Since the first day I met him; that was all he spoke about.

I love him enough to respect his decision even if it infuriates. I respect every ounce of his decision and I support him.

I don't refer to him as "my Marine." I call him by the name he was given (or pet names). Because he wasn't born a fuckin Marine. Its like what you said, "its a job title." And its only a job title. So hop off of it, girls. They're not always going to be one.

1:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well, im not a marines girlfriend, no one i know is a marine, but i dont think any of this is fair to those girls. when it all comes down to it, they're just proud of them. im only 16, my boyfriends only 16, but anything (and everything) he does, im proud of him, and i like to brag about him. i dont see anything wrong with bragging on your boyfriends.

in my oppinion. i dont think being a marine or in the army or whatever is just a "job title." it does take alot to go out there knowing you may never see anyone you love. do car sales men have to deal with that much pressure and stress? do mail men have to worry about making sure they tell everyone they love "i love you" becuz its a very good chance they will never see them again? no! i honestly dont think it fair for you to say the rude and hurtful things you did when (like some of them said) they are fighting for your right to even say that kind of stuff. i think its YOU whos insecure, stupid, and annoying.

YOU, my friend, are in my prayers.

God Bless.

11:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

eventhough you'll probably never read this, i'd just like to tell you that my fiancee was man enough to join...he does have something going for him...hes legal admin dumbass...and as for that girl kat or whoever she is, our guys fighting over in iraq are too damn busy to even think about fucking some iraqi women ok...so you need to shut the fuck up and think about what the hell your saying...
ignorant ass people make me sooo mad....people like you dont appreciate things in life

1:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope you enjoy rotting in hell for that disgusting cry for attention.

I love my boyfriend. Yes he's a marine, but that is not the only reason i am proud of him. Its not like we run around the streets screaming that we miss our boyfriends and all of you should have sympathy for us. Were strong women who have strong relationships with our marines.
I'm really interested in what you do with your life... sit in an office cubicle and sulk because you can find a relationship that works for you??? im sorry my boyfriend has enough balls to leave his life at home and fight for our country.

you are a pussy.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

u r talking shit cuz no girls r proud of having a boyfriend like u wish u could do what a marine can do

12:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

u dont know nothing about the marines u piece of shit stupid ignorant

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Anonymous Lauren said...

well this may be an old post but it still pisses me off! you really have no idea what kind of hell they go through everyday do you? the really sad part of all this is that no matter what anyone says or whats true your still going to remain the asshole you really are till the day they put your sad exhistence in the ground. but im gonna give you MY opinion anyway. Well first of all your an ignorrant fool that needs to get your facts staight before you go around giving your opinion. Yes i am a Marine's girlfriend but it is definnatly not just because he is a Marine. you have no idea what hell WE go through by dating a Marine...in all honesty it would be easier to date someone that wasnt. We could chose to take the easy way out and date some other guy that has a so called good job and live happily ever after, but we dont. We are strong and choose to walk down the rough road with the one we love most. Because in the end we know that all the sleepless nights, all the worrying, all the tears and all the times we're left alone are worth it...they're worth it. Now as far as what they do as Marines goes...they are the best America has. They go where no one else will...when else fails they dont, and we have a right to be proud off them. BUT because of that they put there very life on the line everyday that they are over there. When they walk out that door and get on that plane...they may never come back. YOU sir have no right to say what you did. YOU have not stood there and watched your loved one that you have not seen in 6 months, laying in a flag drapped coffin knowing that there gone forever. YOU have not stood there in that grave yard with tears rolling down your face as each gun shot is fired. YOU sir have not been handed a folded flag as a token of what your loved one WILLINGLY gave up. so there for YOU have no right to talk. I love my Boyfriend with everything that is in me and i honestly do not know what i would do with out him but i love him for who he is NOT his uniform.
Sincerly, Sweetheart <3

P.S. and just so u know Once made, a Marine will forever live by the ethics and values of the Corps.

There is no such thing as an ex-Marine

12:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My boyfriend is a Marine, but I am not, nor will I ever be a Marine girlfriend. Thank you for this post, and fuck the United States Marine Corps.

7:40 PM  
Blogger A Marine's Girl said...

If you dating a Marine and has the audacity to say fuck the USMC then you truly don't love your Marine because to most Marines, the USMC means alot to them. I have a wonderful bf in the USMC and he loves his job. No matter how much I hate the deployment and the long periods of time we are away from each other, I will always support him. And I'm not afraid to boast about how proud I am.

And for those who bad mouth our country and complain how much they hate America... fucking leave because no one wants you here! If our country is so horrible and you can't stand it then move to another country were you have no rights or wait, the freedom of speech? Because if you talk like this in other countries, your pretty much dead.

If you don't want to stand behind our troops and support them, then please stand in front of them! You are ignorant assholes that obviously do not know the true sacrifice they make. You all need a reality check. And it makes me said that they are not only fighting for their own freedom, but yours, and your ignorant enough to say fuck them. Wow, may God have mercy on your soul because your going to need it.

12:31 AM  
Blogger A Marine's Girl said...

And also asshole, your whole comment at the beginning about getting a haircut every 2 months. Real mean keep it clean and don't look like a piece of shit, like yourself.

12:32 AM  
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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear marine girlfriends;

They are not fighting for country.
They are fighting for corporate interest special interest groups.
Namely, Big Oil.

3:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My boyfriend is a Marine and I found this hilarious. I have a few friends who also have Marine boyfriends and they're exactly like this. It's disgusting, and makes the ones who act mature about the situation look bad.
Stupid cunts...

11:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Generalizations like this are what brew prejudices and judgements. I'm a marine girlfriend and yes, I've certainly seen those girls who walk around touting their boyfriends job title like they're won a Grammy. However, to say that every marine girlfriend is like that? To call them all stupid and insecure? I graduated with over a 4.0 and have always been an extremely confident person. I prefer to keep my relationship between me and him and only talk about him when asked. And I NEVER say what he does unless the question comes up. I love him because of the person he is, not what he does. But am I proud of what he does? Of course. Do I think that the marines helped shape him into the man he is today? Undoubtedly. After he's done he plans to go to cooking school and he's a brilliant guy. But his dream was to join the Corps, and so that's exactly what he did.

Please remember that broad views are never the answer. I'm only 18 and can already confidently say I'm more mature in my views than you. But everyone has a right to their own opinion, and its opinions like yours that only cement my faith in mine. So thank you.

P.S. "evil brown-looking person"?? Since when does skin color determine whether a person is good or evil. The rest of your post was opinion-based so I understand it, but you deserve to get your ass kicked for that comment.

6:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As far as I'm concerned "I WAS BORN FREE!"
The people that fought for my freedom, did it over 200 years ago!

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are a disgrace to this country, please.... suck start a pistol and make us all happy...
Sincerely an Infantry Marine

4:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow....were you not accepted by the USMC because you are too fucking stupid and lazy?? How fucking dare you talk about Marines like that, you fucking ingrate! My boyfriend is in the sandbox so you can have the freedom to get on here and act like a moron!!!!! The Marines are more man than you will EVER be!!!!!! No, I'm not with my boyfriend because he is a Marine, even though it's fucking hott, I'm with him because he is the sweetest, most genuine person I know.

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