Fratboys Sodomize Goat

Fratboys at my school fucked a goat in its ass. Fraternity brothers, I mean (sorry, guys!). A few things I want to address first:

A - This is a farm fraternity. Most of the brothers are Ag majors.
B - The goat was male.
C - I used to go to parties at their house and I was never sodomized.

Then again, I'm not a goat, although I'd like to think my big biceps, thick brown hair, and Slater-like dimples were enough to garner some consideration.

What I find funny is these hayseeds, these goat fuckers, are the same assholes who get drunk off Busch Light and pretend they've participated in a queer bashing before. These are the same assholes who won't watch a movie like Brokeback Mountain because "it done got faggots in it." The least they could have done was make sure the goat was female. I mean yeah, I know it's not like the goat was drinking V8 and doing somebody's hair and gesticulating with a limp hoof. That may account for the mistake. Still, at some point one of them found out the goat was male and somebody decided that it didn't matter. The sex of the livestock is unimportant if you're going to rape it, I guess.

At least they used condoms. None of them popped, according to the article. That's understandable. I have a hard time going with a rubber on too, although I can't imagine not being able to blast off when boning an animal of such beauty and grace.

Goats are hot.

I don't know if I could have one time sex with a goat. It wouldn't even be sex; it'd be love-making. I'd bring it a Wal-Mart bag full of cans and feed them to Larry like grapes. That's the name of the goat I'm going to fall in love with. Larry the fucking beautiful goat. He's an art major and he's seen every episode of Will and Grace at least twice.

Four naked pledges were found hiding in the shower. They all immediately claimed they didn't fuck the goat. The cops probably didn't even show up because of the goat. They probably showed up because there were too many redneck douchebags in one area and they wanted to join the party. They were all going to wear overalls and talk about tractors and Dale Jarrett or some shit.

Apparently, fucking the goat was part of the initiation, as if shelling out $1400 a semester wasn't already enough. Maybe it was a metaphor for brotherhood. The goat represented all of their fathers's bank accounts. Baaaah!

The fraternity was suspended and now, thanks to the strength of the brave goat, cows and chickens and hunting dogs are mooing, clucking, and barking about past cases of abuse they've experienced at the overalls of their owners. With any luck, jail terms will come and soft packs of cigarettes will stop being sold.

WKU, my school, is upset. Not for the goat, but because this incident perpetuates negative stereotypes associated with the state of Kentucky. Let's be honest here: Kentucky has earned every fucking negative stereotype associated with it. Actually, I don't even think the term stereotype applies. Everything that the rest of the United States thinks about Kentucky is true. Absolutely 100% true. All the fraternity did was remind the public how fucked up this state is.

That's a fact; not a stereotype. Come to Kentucky and see the weirdos. You know those pictures of fat women you get forwarded to you in your email? They're all from Kentucky, but they don't fuck goats.

They fistfuck bags of Sam's Choice potato chips.